Tuesday, 24 May 2016
I come from a big family, and I LOVE IT! I actually have no idea how people without siblings even function.
As a first born you would think I hated having a sibling come after me but from my childhood I have always had a sibling around. My cousin was my sibling before my sister came along so I have always had someone else in my life to share life with.
Over the years I have seen how our relationship has siblings has grown and changed as well. I remember how we would fight and argue when we were younger over the silliest things. Now it makes no sense but at that time it was a huge deal. And there was no one who was allowed to ever bully one of my siblings or for sure you would get it. I recall my little brother always using my name in defense when other neighborhood kids were being mean to him, yes, I had quite the reputation
Then there is the aspect of your siblings copying everything you do. It was great when it was a good thing, but when it was bad, the oldest always got all the blame. Sometimes even all the punishment. It was a tricky balance but still great fun.
Most of the time when people talk about their siblings they refer to the past when they were kids, for me I want to dwell a little more on the present.
We are at the age where we are in transition season as siblings. When life looks like we are about to go off on our own and our interactions with one another will eventually become less and less.
It has already began in some ways, over the years. Especially when all the careers started and one starts to get interest in other things.
You still share a lot in common but you also gain other new things. This also means friends. When you are kids it easy to keep the same friends. You tend to keep a united front and demand the whole family is included in gaming activities. When you grow up you become more individualistic. Things take a new turning. You may share a lot of what you did growing up but you also develop other interests.
What I love about having siblings is that they are never afraid to just tell me if I go too far from being who I am or never be afraid to tell me I am playing it too safe.
We have grown up challenging each other and also appreciating one another’s individual strengths. It’s true there are families that a sibling doing better than another is a problem but in my family that is not a problem. We know we are different. We were never raised to compete with one another rather to help one another. We lift each other up and encourage each other. We do not give up on each other. We are one another’s best friends.
It’s been amazing watching my siblings grow into such great independent adults. For a long time I was very concerned about their well being especially in my absence. Being the first born sometimes you feel it is your responsibility to be the best example your siblings will ever see. It is true for me because I was told that severally by my parents. It can be a huge burden but I am relieved that they are all doing well. It is hard to always be the responsible one that sometimes you can lose your relationship with your siblings because of being too authoritative. There are many moments that it happened and I had to really slow things down and remember I was just their sister not their mum.
Either way my siblings are great go getters. They all have a lot to be proud off and still have a lot more to accomplish. You would be amazed how automatically we are there for one another in times of joy and of crisis as well. It isn’t even something you need to ask twice. I love that I know they always have my back and will look out for me even as I would them.
Over the years we have adopted honorary siblings which I guess is because of the closeness we already have with one another. We literally talk daily and update each other on major news in our lives and we also support one another’s careers.
I can’t wait for the next season of our lives. It will be amazing and I know we will remain just as close but in a different perspective all together.
Wednesday, 18 May 2016
WAITING FOR LOVE
I recently realized that I wait a lot and I am not sure if that is a good thing but I do. The thing I wait most on is love. I have started to wonder if it is me who is not recognizing it or am not paying attention.
Either way I read this article that made me realize I am not the only one waiting.
Don’t get me wrong. I think we all wait for love. Maybe in different ways but we do.
Not just romantic love but it depends on how you view love.
I realize that a lot of the time it is easier for me to accept my faults when pointed out to me and not compliments. I have grown up in an environment where what you do is just a stepping stone to better things so you are never really allowed to celebrate an achievement for very long because more is expected of you.
That is not a bad thing but it make you live life always in transition and never in the moment.
Anyways let me address romantic love for this article. I realized one thing about my interaction with men. I am always waiting for them to step up.
I am not sure if I am having unrealistic expectations or its basically that we are wired differently but I get so disappointed that I am starting to think it is normal for them not to.
I wonder what it is most of the time. If fear of failure and rejection really that bad that one would not want to take the step.
Isn’t love about risk just as much as it is about gain?
We all take risks for things we love and people we love. Sometimes we are not even sure we will get the love back. I do believe women take a higher risk in love because even when they do not get it back they are at least glad they gave it a shot. Men are taking less and less risk and are more content living in an less than ideal situation or life then complain later that there are no good women out there.
The truth is good women so to speak are there in plenty. They are made. They come out when they feel secure. And they are waiting for the guy who would risk love for them. Women crave security and when a woman is secure she can conquer the world and would do anything for her man.
I may be wrong but for me that is how I am wired. I would not put myself in a position of being with someone who will only take a risk or make a move when it suits them. I am also taking a risk. Relationships are hard enough as it is that putting myself in a position with someone who is always second guessing themselves is not very helpful.
It goes for me as well. I would not keep a guy second guessing their position with me because I am not sure of what I want, it wouldn’t be fair.
My post today is all over the place. I guess I just wanted to let this out there, so hope it makes some kind of sense.
My point is I will wait for the right kind of love where there is some sacrifice and work involved from both parties. This is too much of a big deal to leave it to chance or give in to pressures of life.
It will not be perfect because it is only God Who has that kind of love but it should be sacrificial.
Lets start loving more. It is a verb, meaning action is involved. Start living
Check out this amazing article I read as well especially for the ladies a new perspective on waiting what-if-your-boaz-is-waiting-on-you
Thursday, 12 May 2016
LIFE REFLECTION QUESTIONS
Once in a while I like to analyze my life and see where it is heading and if I am achieving what I want or what I need to.
Life can get you into such a rut sometimes so you can feel kind of stuck. And then you don’t know what to do and then it’s time to reflect and see what you can do. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Someone shared with me a bunch of very great questions that I thought I would share this week,
Feel free to reflect on them this week and share widely
1. What am I good at?
2. What am I so-so at?
3. What am I bad at?
4. What makes me tired?
5. What the most important things in my life?
1. Who are the most important people in my life?
2. How much sleep do I need?
3. What stresses me out?
4. What relaxes me?
5. What’s my definition of success?
1. What type of worker am I?
2. How do I want others to see me?
3. What makes me sad?
4. What makes me happy?
5. What makes me angry?
1. What type of a person do I want to be?
2. What type of friend do I want to be?
3. What do I think about myself?
4. What things do I value in life?
5. What makes me afraid?
Answer the questions with the first thing that pops in your head, don’t over think it.
Everyone interprets them differently so do not over analyze.
Write it down, review after one month
Have you made any changes? Do you need to change anything?
It’s easy to complain about stuff in general but the truth is you have a lot more choice than you may think.
It is easy to try and avoid the bad stuff in life but the truth is that is when you actually grow. Check on what is making you grow as an individual even if it is not the best thing. But one should always work on self-improving
Wednesday, 4 May 2016
LESSONS FROM MUM
I want you to know that you are an amazing lady. As a woman it is more obvious now than when I was a little girl. I always thought your life’s ambition was to make my life hard. I was wrong. It was to make me a strong woman just as you are and even more. So many things I see when I look back and didn’t make sense now make so much sense.
How often I have misunderstood you and what you were trying to do and how often I resented your correction and thought you had a backward way of thinking. That you were trying to prevent me from having the fun you had when you were my age.
When you told me to help out with the chores and I just felt that since we had a house help that was her purpose there and it was unfair for me to do something she was being paid to do. Little did I know you were preparing me in the skills of being a home maker and actually learn to look after myself. When you gave her the time off, you were giving her time to be with her own family and with her children who always miss her and barely saw her and all I thought about is how inconvenienced I was that I now had to take on her job. I didn’t realize I took it for granted that you were always around when I needed you and her kids were actually growing up without their mum so she could give them the best life she could afford to.
When you were at work how glad I was that I had freedom to do whatever it is I wanted without restrictions and was mad when you were on leave because it meant you would always be home spending time with us. How naïve I was and took your presence for granted. How naïve I was not to realize that you could have used your leave days to go off on a holiday but you chose to spend more quality time with me.
When you insisted on buying us more fruits and vegetables and eating a well home cooked meal than eating out and eating candy and fast food for the sake of our health. How I’d complain about how other parents bought their kids all that fast food and we ate it rarely. I didn’t notice the fact that we seldom got sick because of good nutrition that developed into the healthy eating habits I have now. I took for granted that in the process I learnt to cook well balanced food and the value of eating a home cooked meal with family, not to mention the money you get to save by budgeting for groceries.
When you insisted that there were restrictions on watching television and made us read so many books during the holidays. I felt so short changed when I would meet my classmates and they would discuss all the shows they were allowed to watch and how unfair I felt that I was just stuck reading books and studying. Little did I know the discipline I developed on prioritizing what was important and the value of studying and hard work.
When you would tactfully mention that you disapproved of some of my friends and how I would be so offended feeling you barely knew them. The truth is you could see that they were not being genuine or they were a negative influence on me and you were just looking out for me. Now some of those friends are not even in my life and I know why but at that time the most important relationships were that of friends and suddenly now it is family, and the friends who become close enough to be family.
There are so many lessons and there is no way I can mention them all now. My favorite one of all is that you learnt to trust God and I saw you grow in trusting Him daily. When there was no money for fees you knew He would come through, when the groceries ran out you knew He would provide, when we got sick you knew He would heal us, when we doubted our abilities you knew He would make us great. There was no time you showed us that God would not come through for us, even if you sometimes battled with doubt. However the faith you had, even as small as a mustard seed was enough to keep us going through those difficult time. Reflecting back I can see how your faith grew with every answered prayer and how it made you become a better mother. You became more and more the woman God wanted you to be and grew in love and patience. I would be truly blessed to be half the woman you are but knowing you expect me to be even more than that. I know I will because I had such a wonderful teacher.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY